Parenting and delegating responsibilities

Parents should be diligent in selecting caregivers or educators and should maintain active involvement in their child's life, ensuring that external assistance complements rather than replaces their role in their child's upbringing.

Question:

If i was asked to look after something according to Jewish law what are my responsibilities.   especially regarding outsourcing those responsibilities?

Answer:

In Jewish law, the concept of "shomer" (שומר) refers to a guardian or custodian who has assumed responsibility for someone else's property. The specific responsibilities of a shomer may vary depending on the nature of the arrangement and the type of property involved. Here are some general principles:

Type of Shomer:

Shomer Chinam (Unpaid Guardian): If you are watching over someone else's property without compensation, you are generally held to a lower standard of care. However, you still have a basic obligation to prevent damage or loss.

Shomer Sachar (Paid Guardian): If you are being paid for your services as a guardian, you are held to a higher standard of care and may be liable for any damage or loss that occurs, unless it is due to circumstances beyond your control.

Duty of Care:

As a shomer, you are obligated to take reasonable precautions to ensure the safety and protection of the entrusted property.

Outsourcing Responsibilities:

In general, you are not allowed to delegate your responsibilities as a shomer to another party without the owner's explicit permission.

If you need assistance in fulfilling your duties, it is crucial to obtain the owner's consent before outsourcing any responsibilities.

Communication:

Keep the owner informed about the condition of the entrusted property and any actions you are taking to fulfill your duties.

Return of Property:

You are obligated to return the property to the owner in the same condition it was entrusted to you, unless unforeseen circumstances occurred that were beyond your control.

Liability:

If damage or loss occurs due to your negligence or failure to fulfill your duties, you may be held liable for the consequences.

Question:

Please correlate this to the parental responsibility of raising children, specifically regarding outsourcing.

Answer:

In the context of parental responsibility in raising children, there are parallels to the concept of shomer in Jewish law. While the direct application of legal terms might not be identical, the underlying principles of responsibility, care, and accountability are relevant. Here's how these concepts might correlate:

Parental Responsibility:

Parents have a fundamental responsibility to care f or and nurture their children, ensuring their well-being, education, and moral development.

Duty of Care:

Similar to the duty of care of a shomer, parents have a duty of care to provide for the physical, emotional, and spiritual needs of their children.

Outsourcing Responsibilities:

Parents may, at times, seek external assistance or delegate certain responsibilities such as education, extracurricular activities, or childcare to others. This is common and acceptable, but it should be done with careful consideration and communication.

Communication:

Open communication with the child and, when applicable, with any external caregivers or educators is crucial. Parents should stay informed about their child's well-being and development.

Return of Property (Metaphorically):

While the notion of returning property doesn't directly apply, parents are responsible for preparing their children for adulthood, instilling values and skills that will enable them to navigate life independently.

Liability:

Parents are accountable for the upbringing of their children. If harm comes to a child due to negligence or failure to fulfill parental duties, parents may be held accountable in various ways, including legally in certain situations.

Cultural and Religious Considerations:

Families with specific cultural or religious beliefs may have additional responsibilities tied to passing on traditions, values, and religious teachings to their children.

It's important to note that the concept of outsourcing parental responsibilities is acceptable as long as it aligns with the best interests of the child and is done responsibly. Parents should be diligent in selecting caregivers or educators and should maintain active involvement in their child's life, ensuring that external assistance complements rather than replaces their role in their child's upbringing. As always, consulting with relevant religious or community leaders can provide guidance tailored to specific cultural or religious contexts.

Question:

In the context of Hashem who has entrusted the neshamot of children to parents what would Hashem expect?

Answer:

In the context of Jewish belief that Hashem (God) entrusts the neshamot (souls) of children to parents, there are certain expectations and responsibilities outlined in Jewish teachings. While interpretations may vary among different Jewish traditions, here are some common principles:

Nurturing and Care:

Parents are expected to provide physical, emotional, and spiritual care for their children, ensuring their well-being and development.

Teaching Torah and Values:

Parents have a responsibility to impart Jewish teachings, traditions, and values to their children. This includes education in Torah, mitzvot (commandments), and ethical behavior.

Lovingkindness and Compassion:

Parents are encouraged to cultivate an atmosphere of love, kindness, and compassion in the home, fostering a positive and nurturing environment for the children.

Role Modeling:

Parents are expected to serve as role models for their children, demonstrating righteous behavior, humility, and a commitment to ethical living.

Prayer and Spiritual Guidance:

Parents are encouraged to guide their children in matters of spirituality, including prayer, connection with God, and understanding of their faith.

Individualized Attention:

Recognizing the unique qualities of each child, parents are expected to provide individualized attention and support, fostering the development of each child's unique strengths and abilities.

Preparing for Independence:

Parents are responsible for equipping their children with the skills and knowledge needed to lead independent and responsible lives.

Stewardship of God's Gift:

The belief that children are a divine gift places an added responsibility on parents to recognize the sacred nature of their role and to fulfill it with a sense of gratitude and reverence.

Strengthening the Jewish Community:

By raising children with a strong Jewish identity, parents contribute to the continuity and strength of the Jewish community.

The overarching theme is the recognition of the profound responsibility parents have in raising their children in accordance with Jewish values and teachings.

Question:

What if a parent sees that what they have been doing has not been working?

Answer:

If a parent realizes that their current approach to parenting is not working, it's a crucial and commendable first step towards positive change. Parenting is a dynamic and challenging journey, and adjustments may be necessary as children grow and circumstances evolve. Here are some steps a parent can consider:

Self-Reflection:

Take time for self-reflection to identify specific areas of concern. Consider what aspects of your parenting approach may need adjustment and why.

Learn and Adapt:

If you recognize mistakes or instances where your approach may have been ineffective, be willing to change your entire approach to your responsibilities. Modeling humility and the ability to learn from experiences is a valuable lesson.  If your children perceive that they are a burdon and simply being cared for, they will not value your input and become resentful.  If they feel that they are a burdon they will rebel.  The best education they will receive is from you, because it is very difficult to find another educator who shares the exact same values and care and love for your children as you do. 

In summary:

Hashem loves and cares for the parents, and wants us to learn from His example.  He is always watching us and does not put us in any situation is bad for us.  So we need to do the same for our children.  Where are our children?  Who is educating them?  What education are they receiving?  How do they perceive their parents and their home?  Is there anger? Is there screaming and resentment of school holidays and having to spend time with the children, or seeing how quickly care for the children can be outsourced to holiday programs or how quick the kids will get back to school?  Is it tick box parenting meaning that the kids got through the time as youngsters, in order for them to go on and be independent?  Or is there love and wanting to maximise time spent with the child so the child feels cared for and learns to reflect these attributes of the parent?

Remember that parenting is a lifelong learning process, and making adjustments along the way is not only common but necessary.  By prioritizing love, quality time, and positive reinforcement, you contribute to creating a secure and nurturing environment for your child.